This guide is intended as an extension to our rules and anti-abuse policy, and we hope that it can be a useful resource both for those new to rope, and more experienced attendees. It contains the dos and don’ts of behaviour in our spaces, but all of these are just about respect and kindness, and we believe you will find them useful no matter where you go in the rope world. This is just a starting point and not an exhaustive list, but try to follow the spirit of these guidelines and you will be okay!
In general:
- Obtain consent before touching anyone.
- Obtain consent before touching any objects which belong to someone else. This includes but is not limited to rope and tying kit. There is spare rope available to borrow from the ROH crew during sessions – please feel free to ask.
- If you feel uncomfortable or see a proactive way to make the space safer, speak to a crew member. We aim to create a safe(r) space and your comfort and wellbeing is important to us, we’re here to help.
- If someone looks uncomfortable, please do your best to help them, even if this means walking away.
- Get consent from everyone in the frame before taking any photos or videos.
- If you want to observe, try a soft, unfocused gaze that takes in the whole room and doesn’t single out an individual or a tying couple/group – someone might be doing something really cool you want to watch, but being stared at/observed with intensity can be unnerving and make people uncomfortable.
- Maintain an awareness of and respect for personal space.
- Respect the tying bubble. Keep your distance from people who are in the middle of tying so as not to disrupt them. As a rule of thumb, try to leave 50cm-1m of space around them. If a casual rope-flick can hit you, you’re too close!
- Don’t interrupt someone who is tying or being tied under any circumstance. If you think something dangerous is happening, speak to a crew member. Don’t interrupt people who have just finished tying – give them some time to complete aftercare.
- People self-tying are also in a scene and deserve the same courtesies as given to tying pairs or groups – respect their space, bubble and aftercare also.
- Experience = responsibility: demonstrate good practice. This is particularly true for negotiation. If someone is new and they say “I don’t know, happy with whatever”, give them some tips on how to negotiate clearly.
- When people are tying, please keep noise to a minimum. Please be considerate of their headspace and emotional vulnerability, and avoid being the noise they can’t drown out.
- Don’t assume you know more than someone and lecture them without being asked for advice. That person you’ve just seen bottom might have more tying experience than you, and that new face might have extensive education from somewhere else. Approach styles you do not understand and people you do not know with open curiosity. If you have safety concerns, speak to a crew member.
- When approaching someone you’d like to tie with, try to do so in a way that makes it easy for them to say no. For example, “I’m interested in tying with you. I’m going to get a cup of tea now but if you’d like to discuss or negotiate, come and find me” – this means that they can opt-out just by doing nothing.
- When people are teaching, keep noise levels to a minimum and questions and comments to appropriate times. Our presenters will try to make clear when questions and queries will be appreciated. If you don’t want to participate in a workshop that’s okay, but try to do whatever else you are doing quietly so that others can benefit from the workshop. If you have any concerns about the knowledge and experience of our facilitators, speak to a crew member.
- Keep your belongings neat and tidy, make sure they are not a trip hazard. This also goes for untied ropes and scattered kit. We understand that you might need to attend to your partner(s) before tidying up, but try to at least scoop everything into a pile as soon as possible.
- Sometimes there might be situations where we need to share suspension points and/or tying space. Once again, attend to your partner(s) first after finishing a tie if that’s needed, but try to move yourselves and your things out of the area in a prompt manner, including taking off your suspension ring/carabiners from the suspension point, so that the next person can use them.
- Try not to step on anyone’s rope if you can avoid it – there will be trailing ends as people are tying.
When tying or being tied:
- Never leave out negotiation. When you are about to tie with someone, it is crucial to get their consent for everything that you might want to do in that context. That way, even if things take a different route than what you might have had in mind, you still know what is and isn’t okay. If you haven’t discussed it with them first, just don’t do it. Check out our negotiation guide for more on this topic.
- Be honest and open about your level of experience. No one knows everything, and by sharing the areas of rope you’re less confident in (even if they’re the areas your potential tying partner is most interested in), you’re ensuring a safe and enjoyable scene for everyone involved.
- You might get an idea or inspiration for something cool you haven’t thought about earlier mid-scene. This happens a lot and is a sign that your scene is going well. But! For now, pocket that urge or idea for next time, when you’ve had a chance to talk it through with your tying partner(s). The beauty of tying relationships is that you can use past scenes to build on for the next one.
- Don’t make assumptions about what someone will like based on what they may/may not have done before, particularly with other people. Don’t forget, people change between ties, and the relationship you have with someone will affect what a scene might look like.
- Be aware of those tying around you and be considerate when it comes to noise and space you take up. Try not to intrude on other people’s bubbles, and watch your rope ends to make sure you don’t hit a random bystander.
If you think there’s something that isn’t on this list but should be, let us know!
Last updated 08/11/2022